Hmm… how do I explain this.
Ok. I’ll just say it flat out. You’re single for a reason. There are people who look up to you and need you whole and healthy as a single woman – your relationship with Jesus stronger.
It’s just a season, trust me. You’re only single once, but you’re married for a long long time.
These are things I should have told my younger self on valentines day through the years, rather than getting all mopey and binging on chocolate and movies that made me cry. That’s right, I’m a binger. Doesn’t matter what it is I’m currently addicted to, I binge. Music, movies, chocolate, romance novels, even masturbation.
That’s right, I went there. The mind is a dangerous place for a young woman.
An addiction I was caught in for 10 years that I thought was an innocent way of finding satisfaction for what God created to be beautiful and with one man in marriage.
But my addictive personality caused me to get caught in a trap of sin. Sin keeps us longer than we meant to stay and takes us further than we wanna go and costs us more than we can afford to pay. And guess what, only Jesus can fix sin. Only Jesus can heal our minds.
But wait… I didn’t mean to go there with you today – whoever you are finding yourself reading this. Today is Valentines Day… Love day.
I love LOVE – I love the stories, the feelings, the butterflies (yes those annoying things flying around in your stomach with a crush) and the idea of having someone special in my life.
All these years it never went past crushes and butterflies. All these nearly 28 years (yes, I’m turning that old in May.). All these Valentine’s Days without the man of my dreams.
But I’m writing this to you today because I want you to know I got over my addictions. Not by myself of course, because sin is a trap – Jesus set me free. Complete Freedom.
And I want to try and disperse today a little of what trapped me.
The world says you’re nothing without someone special in your life, so it’s easy to buy in.
How many times have you heard the term “Singles awareness day” this year?
I can’t remember a year where it didn’t fill my social media newsfeed more. People mourning the fact that they are “forever alone” or the brave ones (the liars) that say they’re totally fine on their own. People buying in to the concept that they need a person to make them feel complete. Let me tell you this, if this desire is in your heart, GOD will make it happen! And I’m not gonna tell you you don’t need a person to feel complete. You DO! But it’s not who you think it is. It’s not Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Handsome, Mr. Amazing or Mr. Hot-stuff.
Let me tell you after 28 valentines days without that guy… JESUS is ENOUGH!
Jesus is more than enough. He is the one you need to fill your heart. He is the only one who actually can complete you.
You know that feeling when you’re with your crush (or boyfriend) and you think you’ll be together forever, and then when it doesn’t work out it’s like 10-tons of ice fell on your heart and left a hole big enough for a cupid army to fly straight through? Yeah that feeling. Go back to that emptiness for a moment with me. I know you know it. We’ve all been there.
That emptiness? That’s meant to be filled with the man who actually died for you. His name is Jesus. He knows you, he knows what you did to fill that emptiness and how you try to mask your pain with those Facebook posts about being single. He knows. He KNOWS!
And here’s the best part… HE LOVES YOU!
He loves you until you’re whole again. He loves you and completes you the way you’re meant to be completed. He fills that empty spot more than any man could. And he wants the BEST for you! I’m not saying you won’t ever have fairytale romance and hearts and red roses delivered to you on this day someday in the future… but don’t let the butterflies define your life. If you’re going from one guy to the next, or even from one addiction to the next because you can’t function without your sin vice, let me tell you this: Let Jesus in and let him take over that part of your life. Give HIM your love, your affections, your emotions, and your body. He created all of that and he knows what’s best for you – even better than you do.
So down with the singles awareness day facade… You guys, it ROCKS being single! You know why? Because we get to spend a season just doing things with Jesus, undistracted by what the world says about love. We can wait for real love, knowing He’s the one writing this love story.
So whether you’re reading this single or married for 50 years (either place can be empty without Jesus) I just want you to know… You are NOT alone! Jesus is just waiting for you to stop for a moment with him. Guaranteed, a moment will change everything, if you let him.
And if you’re reading this on this Valentine’s day and are totally blank to what I mean, let me know. I would love to share more with you on my freedom journey. I never get tired of bragging on my Jesus. He’s amazing.
Also… if you’re scared to talk to just one person right now (though community and accountability is the best way to stay free – people who will remind you that Jesus is there loving you in the dark moments), but if you are scared and just want to start exploring some ideas, I highly recommend this website: www.moralrevolution.com. These teachings really helped me think through some stuff and come to a place where I did reach out to my accountability for help.
If you’re reading this today and know it’s for you, remember this: Valentines Day is a day to celebrate LOVE! So stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop listening to the lie that you’re not enough and that you should mope today with chick-flix and chocolate, under a pile of soggy kleenex. Stop thinking the bitter things that Love will never happen for you. It HAS happened, His name is Jesus. And he wants to heal you and make you whole and then bless your socks off with the most amazing things in life (marriage may be included, you don’t know.).
Also, if you’re like me and have more married friends than you can count and you’re spending Valentine’s alone because there’s literally no one left, let your FRIENDS know you love them and admire them! They’ve taken some big steps in their lives (it ain’t easy being married) and they probably won’t hate some encouragement from time to time.
And one more thing. If you do find yourself alone today, know that you’re not. There is someone a little younger than you probably facing the same things you do. Use this valentine’s day to reach out to them as well. They need some love today too.
So in closing remember this: Love is real. Jesus loves. He wants you to be loved by him. He died for you. He will never leave you. You are NOT alone.
And lastly… Singles awareness day is a joke. Don’t buy into that. You’re single and it’s not fatal. Romance will come in the right time. Focus on Jesus until that time. He was single all his life and changed the world in the process. He gets it, more than you know.
Happy Love Day everyone!